Vera works for a company called Loan Some, that loans out friends to the lonely and for other events. Previously… readers voted for Vera to hit a food critic with her flying food.
“Oh my God!” someone screamed.
Vera winced and looked in the direction of the scream. A nerdy-looking man in a plaid bow-tie was wiping snail guts from his face. He also had a little cut by his eye where the snail shell had scraped him.
“You hit Monroe Mikhail,” whispered Edie.
“Mikhail. The most renowned food critic in the city.”
Soon, their waiter Mitch was back at the table.
“I’m so sorry, Gus, but,” Mitch paused, “Mr. Mikhail has requested that your guest be removed from the restaurant.”
Once again, Gus appeared to have no response or reaction.
“Now,” urged Mitch.
Vera looked around. Everyone was staring at her and the restaurant had reached a dead quiet. She gingerly stood up, her chair making a small ache. She picked up the napkin that had dropped from her lap and placed it on the table.
“Gus, I’m going to be outside. I apologize.”
As she walked toward the exit, Vera felt every eye burning on her. She’d just have to wait outside until the end of lunch. She just wasn’t sure whether she was going to get paid for this assignment since she wasn’t there to tell Gus whether Edie was still in love with him or not.
“Wait,” Edie called to her. She had followed her.
“I apologize for my behavior, Edie.”
“No, tell me: You’re not really his girlfriend, are you?”
“Sure, I am.”
“No, she’s not,” said a voice. It was Gus, who had also followed them outside. For a blind man, he moved pretty fast. He turned toward Edie. “Edie, I’m still in love with you, and I hired this woman to pose as my eyes to see if you still loved me.”
Edie put her hands to her mouth. “Of course, I still love you. I never even liked escargot. I only ate it for you.”
“I never liked it, either,” he laughed. “I always thought you liked it, so I always ordered it as a tribute to you.”
They embraced and kissed, making Vera an uncomfortable bystander to their makeout session.
“Marie, or whoever you are,” said Gus when he finally came up for air. “Thank you. Your services are no longer needed. Your check will be in the mail.”
Gus grabbed Edie’s hand, and they walked back into the restaurant.
Vera paused to watch them go, tilting her head in adoration, when Mitch, the waiter, came back outside.
“Please leave,” he said.
“Right.” Vera had another assignment to get to anyway.
“Come in, come in!” said Romeo Kato, billed The World’s Worst Magician, as he invited Vera into his home. His house was filled with creepy dolls and cabinets with locks on them. In the corner, there was a straight jacket on a mannequin, although clearly Romeo had cut it up to free himself from it because it was held together with duct tape.
“Nice to meet you.”
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