Paradise High

Vote by December 1, 2013!

Paradise75x99In episode 1, the readers voted for Michael to go to Hell to see his friend.

Episode 2

When Michael left the Academy, he went straight to Hell. That’s where his friend Ricky Dee lives. Mike wanted to get advice from someone with a totally different perspective than his own.

As kids, Mike and Ricky Dee were dorks. But in middle school, Mike decided being cool was better. So he worked out, and avoided nerds. These days he’s reasonably attractive by Earth-girl standards. 

Mike has a movie star face, rock star hair, rugged-man attire, and the body of an Olympic curling “athlete.” The girls in Hell think he’s hot.

Now before we get cranked up, let’s get stuff clear — Hell isn’t what the story books say. If you want to know the truth, and most people don’t, Hell isn’t really a PLACE at all, but rather way of looking at things.

So Hell can be anywhere, and in fact, is everywhere … even in Heaven. But the only thing you need to understand to follow along is this: Hell looks NOTHING like Park City, Utah.

“Ricky Dee, what up?” Mike said, greeting his old pal warmly.

Ricky was at his computer, dreaming up an idea for a Reality TV series that he could use to torture the humans.

“Michael? What are you doing here?”

“Dude, I got a call from God.” Mike said. “Why do you suppose the big man singled out me?”

“Maybe He wants you to take over the universe as lord and master of time, space and dimension.”

“Really?” Mike asked, eagerly.

“No. Not really.” said Ricky Dee. “It’s probably some crappy gig none of the other angels wanted. Sorry man. That’s just the harsh reality.”

“HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” Mike fell over laughing. “Harsh reality. Good one! Oh well … you’re no help. Guess I’ll just have to see what’s what for myself.”

And with that, Michael took off running.

Ricky Dee wagged his head; “Why did he even come here?” 

Michael was nervous as he ran. He knew that making God wait is a mistake, and there is no point in lying to Him. He is, after all, all wise and all knowing. So when Mike got to God’s house, it went a little something like this:

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

“Sorry. I was just … I was just … “

“I KNOW WHERE YOU WERE! IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION. HERE’S THE POOP. I NEED YOU TO DESCEND FROM THE HEAVENLY PLAIN, MAKE YOUR WAY ACROSS THE UNIVERSE TO PLANET EARTH. WHEN YOU GET THERE, I WANT YOU TO DESTROY IT!”

“Really? That’s it? Done. See ya.” Mike hopped to his feet, and made his way to the door.

“DO NOT BE DISSUADED BY FEELINGS OF EMPATHY OR REMORSE FOR THE PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES YOU SNUFF OUT.”

“I won’t. See ya.”

“SEVEN BILLION SOULS OBLITERATED! STRUCTURES CRUMBLED TO DUST. EVERYTHING GONE. BUT DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR THE CARNAGE THAT YOU BRING TO THE INNOCENT CHILDREN.”

“Okie dokie. Bye now.”

“ANNIHILATION!”

“Oy. Are you kidding me?”

“EVERYTHING DESTROYED. SOULS SENT TO BURN AND ROT IN HELL!”

“Yeah. Bummer for them. Okay. Guess I’ll hit the …”

“WAIT!” God said, flustered. “ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU’RE WILLING TO JUST GO THERE AND BRING ON ARMAGEDDON WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A TWINGE OF REMORSE?”

“Umm … well. They’re only humans. In a hundred years they’ll have destroyed themselves, so what’s the big deal?”

Dang it! God hates it when someone makes a good point, and it’s not Him. Whatever. Mike had his mission, and he was ready to roll. God finally gave the nod, away Mike went.

Now, I don’t want to say that Mike is an arrogant, unfeeling, self-serving guy. However, it should be noted that Mike is an arrogant, unfeeling, self-serving guy.

This wasn’t always true. He was actually a rather thoughtful guy, once upon a time. But after Raziel, the angel of mystery, broke his heart a thousand years ago, Michael has been bitter, and this bitterness has changed him.

This is probably why it was so easy for him to agree to destroy the Earth … he just doesn’t have a heart. (Metaphorically, that is. Angels DO have actual hearts that pump energy and light through their veins.)

Mike was eager to go. He thought getting singled out for this mission must’ve meant something, like God saw him as special. Mike liked that.

Also, serving as the angel of mass-death would raise his Heavenly profile, which would make him more attractive to the lady-angels, not to mention the fact that blowing up Earth was going to be a blast!

Now, God made it seem like traveling from Heaven to Earth was a big hoo-haw, but the truth is, angels can beam themselves to any location in the universe in the blink of an eye … two blinks if there’s traffic.

Mike didn’t bother to pack; he wasn’t planning on being there very long. He just left God’s house, hiked to the top of the nearest mountain, pointed his finger at Earth, cleared his mind of impure thoughts (which actually took while), and then, WHOOSH! In a burst of light, Michael Night was gone.

When angels “fall from Heaven,” it’s usually because they’ve done something stupid, like betray God. When that happens, they can land anywhere.

For example, when Lucifer (a.k.a. “The Devil”) fell from Heaven, he landed in Washington D.C. (Don’t read anything in to that; it’s just where he happened to land.)

BUT … when an angel is sent to Earth on a mission from God, the trip is more civilized and orderly, like Amtrak or JetBlue, and the angel enters through the portal that directly connects Heaven to Earth in Malibu, California.

So when Michael awoke from his travels, that’s where he landed. But he was annoyed to realize he’d also landed in something else.

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